Tobias

Yep, Tobias is going to be 3 years old in April. Holy cow. Anyway, we (Justin and I) decided it was time to potty train. So we started today. So far, so good. Though it is the first day and it's only 2pm (yeah, they're napping) :). But we got one successful potty and no accidents . . . :) You would think he won us a million bucks when he went pee the first time in his potty chair. We were excited, he was excited because we were excited and Sam just stared at us trying to figure out what all the excitement was about. :)

Anyway, I was worried I was starting too early but my fears have been laid to rest and it's just forward from here. Thank you Jesus for giving me your patience and grace in this time.
I know, I'm a bit dramatic. :) hee hee

Well, that's all for now. I'll keep ya'll updated . . . with limited detail of the potty times. :) Ok, I'm going.

Imagine Creation

Those who know me know that I, and my sister Amy, have been slowly putting together a stationery and stationery products company called Imagine Creation. I just wanted to update all.

Imagine Creation is still in the works. We have gotten some of our products printed up, thanks to Amy!! And we hope to expand our website and sell locally (eventually). This is an important part of who I am, so I thought I'd include it for those who know me and for those who are getting to know me.

Check out the slide show below and if you are at all interested, please contact me . . . prices are super negotiable! The products that we had printed recently are gorgeous!! There is a range of paper products that we can use, as well as printing processes. Feel free to email me!!! stacy@imaginecreation.com.


Thank you all for reading! God bless!

hi

Justin has been on break from school and work study since the 18th of December. Doesn't seem like that long, but I do believe I am getting mighty spoiled. There is such a transition that I go through when he's working/schooling long hours and days on end. I do fine, I pray a lot more. :) Or so I tell myself. But this is the longest we've had together as a family . . . well, ever . . . with no interuptions. I thank God earnestly for this time, it's precious and it's fleeting . . . since J will be back to school the 7th of January . . . and back to work study (which is what he does when he's not in class or at the fire house). But I'm also praying for the grace to transition, smoothly, into the next phase of this journey. I know God will meet me and help me out . . . I'm not alone! Not even when I'm by myself . . . I'm not alone!

So, if you think of us these cold upcoming months of January and February, pray for us. :)

Well, we're going to go enjoy a movie (rented) and eat stuff that's bad for us and veg out.

Blessed Christmas . . .

I'm like most people . . . shopping does help fuel the Christmas spirit a little. When I'm able to go out and purchase stuff to bless people and my kids. This year is super tight, financially, due to school. That I don't normally talk about, we chose the path we're on, I don't expect sympathy from anyone for that reason. Also I don't talk about financial struggles cuz God has come through EVERY time for our needs (and wants). He's a personal God that truly cares and loves us individually!

So that said. . . we weren't going to buy any presents, not even for the kids. Though two weeks prior to Christmas we broke down and bought Toby two firetrucks. I'm not sure the reasoning at the time and I'm not sure why we didn't purchase anything for Sam . . . though he doesn't really notice those things yet . . . everything that's Toby's is his too, right? :) Then about 10 days out from Christmas day, I get a phone call from the secretary at our church. She explained there was family in the church that had called the church office asking if they knew of a family in need that they could bless for Christmas. She said that we were the first mentioned (not sure by whom) and was asking my permission to let them bless us for the holidays. Of course I said yes. The pastors and some of the staff are good friends of ours and they know our personal lives relatively well. I never really think of us as needy . . . just having to live by faith in that realm. :) I can tell you through this journey, thus far, I have grown in my faith and my trust in my God and Saviour!!! It's easy to get lackadaisical in my thinking when there are regular paychecks coming in, but when have to budget over three months (for the most part) due to financial aide (and not that much either:) . . . it's tested my thinking and faith!

Back to the story. There are mixed emotions when somebody reaches out in this way. My first reaction is "I'm needy?" "Oh, I guess we don't have money for presents, so we are in need." "Are presents really a need?" Ultimately this gesture fueled something in me that lays dormant due to financial restriction, and that is that I want to bless people in this way . . . and more! We won't be in this position for long, a little more than two years at this point. And most firefighting jobs pay reasonably well. I get anxious about getting my own house, a big one so I can entertain and give people that need a place to stay . . . well, a place to stay . . . food to eat, warm clothes if need be. Justin doesn't know of this desire . . . he just knows that I like to give money out if its in my pocket (I've noticed he gives me less and less cash). :)

Ok, I'm getting back to the story. This ended up being a fantastic blessing . . . both my children had presents to open . . . plenty of adorable clothes, coats, socks, underwear (yeah, time to potty train Toby) and toys . . . plus a gift card for the Justinator and I! I'm not sure why I'm sharing so much detail. But I do want to say that God is so good!!! He knew what we needed (and wanted) and He provided. This is just an example . . . He does it every time, plus some!! I'm amazed! I'm learning to rest in Him, keep my family/life in prayer and just watch Him work. I know He's got great plans for Justin and I . . . but especially for our boys . . . I'm so grateful!!

I was struggling a bit this year with the Christmas thing and it ended up being one of the best! We met over at Tiff and Dan's for dinner. Amy and Jason were there too. It was SUCH a good time!!! Tiffany and Dan, thank you sooooo much for seafood dinner and your hospitality!!! Thank you, Jesus!

Ok, there is slideshow that follows. I have to say I got lazy with the photography at Tiff and Dan's, sorry about the minimal pics of that and how bad they are on top of it. :)

I hope all of your experiences were good this Christmas season!!!

God is Always Good!!

I just wanted to jump in here and say that I absolutely love my God and He is soooo good to us!! He protects, loves, provides and graciously calls us to be a part of His kingdom . . . bigger than us. Help me God to be obedient in what you have for me to do! . . . even if I don't, immediately, see the plan at hand. :)

on a positive note . . .

My last blog was a bit negative about the whole Christmas/Holiday thing. I am excited for Christmas it just feels different. I will always always be fond of past memories . . . it's easier to look back and see the good than to see it right in front of you. And I choose to see the good in the now . . . not just the past. We are spending Christmas day with my sister Tiffany and her husband Dan and their son Aidrik. My other sister, Amy and her husband Jason are going to be there as well. I'm very excited and happy with the way the plans went this year . . . though other plans were in order, God is always in control and He has our best interest at heart. We were able to get a few presents together (the school budget is a tight one) and grandma and grandpa Matthews did more than their fair share of present buying for my boys . . . so that part will be fun too! We might still end up with a tree . . . you never know . .

Well, it's Saturday and I'm hoping to get down to the night service tonight for church. Still gotta talk the hubby into it. :) It's a bit spendy driving to Harrisburg for church but God has provided a means to do so every weekend. Crazy and wonderful to have a God that cares so much, even about the details of life!!


I just want to end this one with pics of my boys. :) Enjoy and a Merry Merry Christmas to all!!

new day

It's Monday but doesn't feel like a Monday. Justin is completely off from school, work-study and all, for the next two weeks . . . so he's home chillin' with us. It was a relaxing day . . . we went to the park despite the nasty, rain threatening, weather and then we all took a 3 hour nap (first time in a like year), made dinner (Quiche . . . me favorite!), ate, and then hung out . . . now the boys are fast asleep. I'm just hanging out now, wasting time on the old 'puter . . . my small addiction for now.

I also wanted to say that I am an extraordinarily blessed human being (ok, that's just how I feel). It's so easy to get discontent with life as is . . . day in day out stuff. But then days like today bring home how important my family is to me. Watching dad and T throw the ball for Byron (super pooch) and splash in puddles (to mom's dismay) and Samuel cruising all over the playground and climbing the equipment. Time flies by too fast. It seems like Sam was 6 months old last week and he is now officially 16 months old!!! When? How? Where was I? Apparently buried in diapers and laundry . . . and a few dishes.

I don't want to look back 18 years from now and regret not slowing down and enjoying these small hours with the boys and what God's given me . . . I need to learn to let go and quit getting so wound tight over the small stuff!



May God, the source of hope, fill you with joy and peace through your faith in him. Then you will overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. --Romans 15:13

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful. -John 14:27

He reminds me over and over that HE is my peace . . . the world can't give me the core-calming peace that my Father in Heaven gives. I can't give it to myself either . . . but I do decide to trust in Him and rest in His goodness and love . . . no matter the outward circumstances.






I love you Jesus!!

Two Blabs in One Day!!!

hee hee, me again.

We're broke and I was sick of my long, one-length hair . . . so I cut it myself.

My Aunt Donna, whom I was really close to growing up, told me what to do if I ever wanted to cut my hair on my own. She told me to tip my head upside down, comb my wet hair and then cut straight across . . . Perfect layers, is what she told me I would have.

Now I've always dyed my own hair, turned out ok most of the time . . . deducting the one time I fried it off and I had to go extremely short for a summer. But with curly hair, you have some leeway (is that how you spell leeway?) . . . anyway, curly hair is hard to super screw up. So I did it . . . first time in my 30 + years I've cut my own hair. Turned out alright . . .better than some 45$ haircuts I've had . . . way better than one time, geez . . . that lady did a baaaad job. Anyhoody, I'm a bona fide dork so there is pic that follows.

Sam

My kid's name is Sam Tucker . . . sounds like a guy out of western movie. His name is Samuel, but we call him Sam, like Uncle Sam. Sometimes I wonder why I picked that particular name, though I do love it. ;) It was that or Solomon, which I'm still in love with . . . it'll have to be the next dog's name cuz there ain't no more chitlins bein' born here. :)

Anyhoo, sidetrack . . . what I wanted to say, in short, was that Sam's schedule change is now smooth and going good. And it's really nice to have a chunk of time in the middle of the day to do work or to waste time, like now. :)

Thank you God for your grace and peace in my household!!

hi . . . me again. :)

And He will be the stability of your times, A wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; The fear of the LORD is his treasure. -Isaiah 33:6

Jesus is my stability, no matter what the circumstances are, the fear of the Lord brings me back to Him again and again . . . being fully aware of that it is He that keeps me and my family, and is my peace no matter what.

Thank Jesus, He is my discipline and that discipline (if I'm compliant) is my safety and my shield. He is love, so all He does is out of love towards me.

Thank you Jesus for meeting me this week and teaching me, again, about humility and putting you first. I am not in control, no matter what my contorted mind tells me . . . You are and I trust you with that!

Tucker Slideshow

Samster Sched Change

Since Sam was about 6 months old I have had him on the same schedule; two naps a day, morning and evening . . . then bedtime at 7:30pm. He's nearing 16 months old and lately his second nap is really short 30 min (does he REALLY go to sleep?) or sitting in there making noises for an hour and a half, getting mad near the end of the time. So I finally, after 2 weeks, have picked up on the clue that he's ready to mooove it down to one nap a day. Which is what I've been dreaming of for 16 months . . . cuz then he would be on the same nap schedule as his older and only brother. Ah, 2 hours of non-baby in the middle of the day! But today is the 3rd day. And with Samuel the third day is the hardest with schedule changes for him. So he was quiet for the first half an hour but is now protesting the nap time . . . and has been for about an hour. He's got 37 minutes left in the prison of Sam (his crib) and he then will be set free . . . by bedtime he'll be falling down tired. Amazingly it went fabulous yesterday . . . but today . . . no go. That's the pattern of Sam though, third sucks. Sometimes he even protests bedtime when his schedule is changed. I don't know what triggers that. It doesn't seem like it should be that hard of thing . . . but so goes life. T is sleeping right on through it! hee hee. I love my boys, they're awesome!!! I never thought I would love being a parent, but I do!

Oh oh, he's got 32 min left in the prison of Sam. :)

Me Hubby

Ok, I don't brag much . . . about myself or anyone. But I'm going to brag about Justin because I know he never will. :)

The first term ended for him this past week. He aced all of his classes, all 18 credits worth as well as received high marks in his regular shift he pulls at the fire department each week. They did the end of the term evaluations and asked him and one other guy in his shift to be 2nd year officers next year! That is fantastic by the way! The chief said his only concern is that a fire department is going to want to hire Justin full time before he graduates and he wants him to stay on and graduate. I second that! The paramedic training he will get in the 3rd year is priceless!! So I made him promise me to he'd see it through.

It is a rigorous course and requires him to be at school A LOT! So be praying for us as a family . . . that I have patience and grace to see it through as well. :) I feel like a single parent a lot but God's grace is sufficient . . . and to see Justin excited and happy in what he's doing pays off so much! And there has been confirmation and confirmation that this is the right path for us .

So that is my bragging for the day. I'm head over heels for J and it's fun to brag about him, he's the hardest worker I know and smart to boot!

Gave up . . .

Alright, as a follow up of last night's blog about 'when to give up'. I gave up. It basically turned into tar, unedible tar. So I made a trip to our local Wal Mart at 9pm and picked up the necessary ingredients to make the cookies yet again. :) I took it as a challenge. Yeah, by the way it was the 2 cups of flour that I left out of the first cookie batter mix that killed it (doy!). I don't know how I missed that on the recipe, but I managed. It takes pretty decent skill to pull something like that off. :)

Anyhoo, made the cookies last night, 2 dozen . . . left the kitchen dirty and went to bed at midnight. Yep, it was waiting for me to clean this morning . . . no fairy kitchen cleaning elves helped me out this time. But the second round went well. The cookies turned out fabulous, the small cookie exchange will happen at 4pm today and I'm excited to hand them over to my loving and supportive older sister. :) She ended up with 2 lbs of milk chocolate fudge w/mini-marshmallows topped with crushed toffee and walnuts. 2 lbs of dark choco fudge with walnuts throughout, topped with peanut butter cream topping. and many many chocolate cookies w/toffee pieces, white choco chips, and walnuts . . . sounds simplified written down, too bad those cookies took me about 10 hours to make!

Anyhoo, it was a blast. I'm finding my tom-boy self turning domestic before my eyes! Growing up I lived, breathed and dreamed horses and outdoor stuff. Now I live for my God, my boys and my family! Horses are a bonus, not life. Jesus is life.

When to give up . . .

Ok, we do a family drawing every holiday season, mostly because we have a huge family, to see who we're going to buy for this year. I decided I wanted to make a candy/cookie dish for my lucky pick of the year. So I faithfully have been researching different recipes I wanted to do for the past 2 weeks or so. Prior to going to the grocery store this morning I wrote down the ingredients that I needed to get for each, several were simple fudge but one was a relatively complicated cookie recipe.

Ok, I make cookies at least once a week. Not necessarily for me to eat, though I indulge periodically, but mostly for the kids and hubby. So I know what cookie batter is suppose to look like, in general. So I look at this 'relatively complicated' cookie recipe approximately 50 times to make sure I get the gist of what I am undertaking and for the correct ingredients.

I make it to the grocery store this morning, pick up the ingredients, come home, make one batch of fudge (turned out nicely by the way) and proceed on my 'relatively complicated' cookies.

I mix the batter, add the nuts, white choco chips, crushed up heath bar . . . I look at it and even speak out loud to Justin "This is really moist for cookie batter, can you look up the recipe" . . . and I gave him the address. I looked at it for the 51st time and relented to the fact the batter was complete and went on to put them in the oven.

5 minutes later I open the oven door to check on my prize cookies and they are melted allllll over the pan, the cookie sheet . . . dripping off into the bottom of my oven. Yeah, not any cookie forms what so ever! Aaack!

This is when Justin got involved. We decided to put it into a pie pan and let the batter cook itself into solidification and just cut it and treat it like candy cuz it had a lot of candy in it. Yeah, it cooked for over an hour and never solidified. So Justin takes it out . . . pours the hot batter into a metal bowl. He mixes flour and water together in the blender and adds it and then keeps adding flour until is a little thicker. We put a singular dollop onto a cookie sheet . . . Yay, it somewhat reminds me of a cookie. Justin suggests putting it all into a cake pan and cooking it like brownies.

Right now the cake pan is sitting in the oven, the oven is still on . . . it's NOT solidifying.

When do you give up?

doubt

Don't Fight the Problem, Decide it. --George C. Marshall

Isn't this true! Doubt God and automatically unrest follows suite! I decide to trust you God in all circumstances, including this financial challenge.

Thank you, Jesus!

True love

So, it's been on my heart for a bit, I'm not sure how long . . . on just how humble Jesus was and is. He is into the lowly and downtrodden.

I went to church, the boys in tow, this Sunday (as usual) and Mark Estes was preaching. He preached THE best sermon I've heard on love. And I've a heard a few here and there. :) The message was on something that I've been pondering, just not as elegantly (or more so funny) as Mark Estes preached it Sunday. How Christian people decide, at some point, they are better than the "sinner" . . . the prostitute, the bum on the corner that smells of hard liquor, the panhandler, the next door neighbor that obviously lives an indecent lifestyle . . . should I keep naming them? How about the woman that looses her baby due to a hard-core drug habit or the abuser or the guy in prison for murder? Where would we be without the grace and the blood of our savior?!?!?! I'm convicted. Where is the compassion that Jesus showed the tax-collectors and the prostitutes and the woman at the well . . . she was obviously a "lower class" than he. By the way, that wasn't the core of his message Sunday . . . the core of his message was that there were two commands given in the new testament by Jesus, one to love the Lord your God with all you heart, with all your mind, with all your soul and with all your strength . . . the other is equally important . . . to love your neighbor as yourself. Not picking and choosing who God puts into our little protected worlds, but LOVE who's there. Stop making appearance what matters, start making people matter. Stop praying, stop singing, stop preaching, stop talking about love and compassion . . . and start doing it! Not that praying, singing, preaching and talking are bad, but it does become stagnant if there is no flow or action.

Ok, I'm not preaching to anyone . . . I'm seriously convicted! I can be pretty judgmental at times and it all boils down to my pride (insecurities, which is still pride, I'm still the one I'm focused on).

He talked about true evangelism is not preaching at people and praying for them and doing nothing for their true needs. Meet them where they are at . . . meet the needs as you see them, God is showing you on purpose! This will speak louder than any religious prayer or any well written tract and will last longer than any worship service . . . face to face with the true love of our savior and to keep showing that . . . meeting needs and mentoring (if necessary) . . . is what saves!

I just pray for more of a heart after Jesus'. To get my earth-bound eyes off myself and circumstances and to settle into loving my Lord extravagantly and choosing to humble myself and show that love to all that are around me . . . yeah, my fam too . . . which is the hardest sometimes. :) They're always here! hee hee I know I've failed people in the past, 2 particular people come to mind, and I just ask God to forgive me . . . to bring me back into their lives or bring someone else to show them how much God loves them, beyond words, beyond songs and smiling church faces . . . core-changing, powerful God!! There is so much power in the love of our savior . . . He loves us so much He refuses to accept those things in us that keep us from being closer to Him! And pride is a big one for me. I lay it down God, again and again and again!

Our harry baby

Find more photos like this on Dave's Club

All is well

. . . ah, thank goodness . . . no accidents in the bedroom where my pooch was hangin' out. I totally forgot to let him out this morning! I swear I just get worse with age . . . and kids. :)

So, I love my job and I'm grateful for my job, which is a stay-at-home mom. But sometimes I'm home too much. This past week has been one of those weeks. Monday and Tuesday started out as wind-down days from the busy busy weekend and then Wednesday we got sick and I just keep getting sicker, which sucks, but the boys seem to be about the same. How can you tell? I don't know, no grouchier than they were Wednesday, I suppose. :) But anyhoo, now we're on Friday and I haven't gone anywhere, besides the grocery store . . . which doesn't count because it's a chore, kids don't like, I don't like it . . . except to put food in my pantry. So my sister asked me to go to Woodburn (popular outlet mall) today, she asked me yesterday and yesterday I was sick but I didn't feel quite this sick, so I agree to go. Yeah, I had to bail on her this morning, now I have a fever and I'm achy and my nose won't stop running and my throat hurts. I liked to call in sick when I had out-of-the-house job but I can't really "call in sick" to my current job. Cuz I would be calling myself and asking myself to fill in for me. Doesn't really work if anyone was wandering. I just keep getting a busy signal. If the stars align and the chitlins are asleep at the same time I might pass out for an hour . . . but that is unusual. 17 months apart and they aren't on the same schedule . . . bummer.

So I take my dog out, I have to stand there in the cold rain while he does his business (one major reason I miss my house) and my next door neighbor decides he needs to get the low-down on the breed and announces that he wants one . . . even after I candidly explained how hyper-active and needy they were. We live in apartments. Though, Byron, my Jack Russell, is better than most. He is very well house trained and is completely tolerant of the tykes (unusual for Jacks) and he loves attention and adores Justin (though Justin ignores him most of the time) and absolutely loves to play and play and play and play . . . pretty much as long as you want to stand there and throw things, he'll go get it for ya and then tug-a-war until you want to choke him with it. In fact if you even make quick movements around him, he automatically assumes you're going to play with him because, Lord knows, us humans don't make quick movements unless we are going to rough house with the dog. Also, another thing I've noticed about my super-pooch is everything, absolutely everything that goes on in the house pertains to him, he is the reason. For example, Toby is into something he's not suppose to be and I've told him to get out of it for the millionth time (like my potted plants) and so I resort to yelling . . . though I clearly say "Toby, get out of it!" Byron, who's laying peacefully (ideally) on his bed assumes that I mean he's not suppose to be there, though he's been there for more than an hour with me walking around him and petting his head . . now suddenly he's getting into trouble for being there. He scampers off with his tail down and lays down on the carpet with a guilty look . . . though he's got to be thoroughly confused . . . until I totally reassure him and physically put him back on his bed. Meanwhile Tobias has unloaded a pound of dirt out of my favorite tree onto my cream colored carpet and is proceeding to eat the fertilizer pellets that I've put in there. Ack!!! Sorry . . . coming out of my flash-back. Started to get a cold-sweat with that one! What I left out is Sam was in the backroom screaming because he had shut the bedroom door and couldn't open it . . . :) Did I say I love my job? I do! :) Never a dull moment around here.

Lovin' it

Hey people's, another day in the life of the Tucker residence. Justin is faithfully at his 24 hour shift at the firehouse. Samuel is down for the first nap of the day. Tobias has Shark Tales on the tv . . . obnoxious movie by the way. And I've finished my morning stuff and I'm downing some more coffee and checking the emails . . . and apparently blogging.

I am sick as a dog today, fever and all, so that's my excuse for being on the puter at 11am, by myself . . . does that make me a puter-a-holic? Alone and using excessively in the morning hours?

Oh crap . . . I forgot about the dog . . . I'll write later . . .

A Rich Life!

cold weather

It's cold outside. It's cold outside because, mainly, it's the end of November . . . almost December. I love being outdoors. But I hate the cold. And cold is anything below 55 degrees Fahrenheit. I was doing so good, walking, jogging and getting the kids out to play for a chunk of time. Now we are indoors, most days . . . in the store, in the mall, in the church, in the house, in my friend's and fam's houses . . . in . . . indoors. It's wearing on me I think . . . and on top of that, I think I've a gained a couple of pounds. Don't get me wrong . . . I'm fightin' it for all it's worth . . . with my stash of workout dvd's but I think I'm loosing the battle of the bulge. Or just not loosing the current bulge . . . whatever. I honestly would love a long day hike . . . with the sun and the birds and the earthy fragrance of the woods and trees . . . wild Irises, those are so pretty to see scattered throughout a woodland trail! Poison Oak, not so much. And I've had my boughts with Poison Oak . . . believe me, you! On my face and in my eyes . . . my brother called me a fat Chinese guy . . . yeah, we're not really known for our tact in our family. My face was swollen, eyes swelled shut even. That happened twice . . . don't tell anybody. So to conclude one of the most boring blogs you'll ever read . . . I want to be outside . . . but not cold.

Thankful!

I wanted to just drop a short blog . . . hee hee, short . . . uh, anyway just to say how thankful I am.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I thought, since I'm not with my extended family this year and we aren't verbally stating, around the table, what we're thankful for . . . I would share here.

First off . . . I have 2 of the most beautiful boys in the world . . . that might be slightly biased . . . I'm thankful to God that they are healthy and happy youngsters that seem well rounded (I am their mother . . . give it some time).

Another huge one is Justin, of course . . . if you weren't aware . . . I am madly in love with the man I share my life with. Annoying, huh? Don't get me wrong, we have our differences, but God is soooo good to us in our relationship. We just keep getting stronger . . . 6 years in March, still adolescents in the marriage department. But thankful I am!!!

Also, I am thankful for a strong and supportive . . . not to mention hilarious extended fam! My sistas are my best friends and my parents are just solid for me and my family! Bailed us more than once, eh? . . . not literally bailed us out of jail or anything . . . just have been a huge help. My bros are a crack-up . . . though I don't see them as often as I would like. But love, I do all of them! And would do just about anything for them . . .

I'm thankful for my few and far-between friends that have been deposited in my life. God knows. And, in the past few years, have realized how hard it is to have great friends. Why didn't this seem hard back in the days of my teen years and early twenties . . . more time on my hands . . . I don't know. Or maybe what I perceived as a great friendship was just a convenient relationship, we're both here, might as well hang-out. So I cherish, to my core, the friends that just care for me . . .

The next two are kind of weird. I'm going to say, I'm thankful for the favor God's given Justin in the fire dept and in school. He's excelling and I know it's by God's grace . . . and J's willingness. I'm super duper proud . . . you don't even know. He's so doing so well!!!!

Also, there is no regular income . . . so I'm thankful, beyond words, for God's provision in all of this!! Things just keep getting paid and we have been provided for . . . all is His!! We have not lacked, down to the smallest items. Thank you, God!!!!

Of course there's a billion tiny but significant things I'm thankful for . . . my family's health, my apt, my cars (bothing running great), my curtains and bedding (my fantastic mother-in-law made them for me. BEAUtiful!), all the material stuff that doesn't last anyway but I'm enjoying it for now, food on the table (more than enough . . . maybe I should go excersize), my dog (he's crazy and he's a bonafide 'grace grower'), running toilets . . . yeah, me likey that! I spent 4 months in Kenya, East Africa, and experienced no plumbing! It's been like 7 yrs since I've been there! Holy monkey! But it's vivid, believe me you. Disposable diapers, thankful for those and the fact I'm able to buy them! Ah, while we're on the subject, toilet paper is good too. Ok, that's getting goofy nutballs . . . so I'm going now.

That is my official 'Thanksgiving, around the table, thankfulness of the year speach'. I hope you enjoyed and think hard about what you're thankful for . . . it sure puts things into perspective sometimes.

Starting over

Hi to all that have taken the time to read this blog.

I started a blog, approximately a month ago, that initially I started off on the wrong foot and so I decided to start a new one with the truth and things that really matter to me . . . not just sarcasm and self.

I want to say now that I have one thing that matters the most to me, though I'm surrounded by beautiful and meaningful people in my life . . . Jesus matters the most to me. I was fortunate that I was raised in a God-based household. My dad and mom pastored a church for 15 years and I grew up knowing that culture. Knowing religion. There's an extreme difference in knowing Jesus personally and being religious. I knew Jesus but didn't really grasp him as a personal God until I was a little older. I'm learning daily how His love has the power to break bondages and heal wounds. But thats not all either . . . there are so many dimensions to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I couldn't even come close to understanding them all. My favorite part about knowing Jesus is He loves me on a personal level . . . He cares about me, even in the minute details of life. Over and over again I've seen Him come through in a time of need . . . and even bless me in a way that wasn't exactly a need but a desire I had. But even that seems petty compared to the intensely wonderful presence that surrounds me when He meets me in my quiet times with Him! The stuff no one sees, thats what I cherish. Its nice to be recognized, to receive material possessions and be a part of a great worship service . . . but the best is the look in my saviours eyes when I'm alone with Him and He meets me on the deepest level of my soul . . . bringing light to the darkest parts of me. Thats what I love.

So many people strive and strive to accomplish this with human relationships (me included), we look to our husbands, boyfriends, family, etc . . . to be able to fulfill our longings, to touch those areas deep down . . . that we aren't even fully aware of . . . only our creator knows the complexity of our personalities and of our soul! How do we expect a mere human to understand us fully when we don't even understand ourselves fully. We all need Jesus to commune with us, to openly love us to the fullest. But because He created us with self-will, it takes our initiation to get that relationship started. I have to be willing to lay down all my rights, my preconceptions, my religion, myself, and humbly trust Him . . . because He is a truely good God! And not just once, but all the time. Its a relationship, not a figment of my imagination, not a fairy or a ghost . . . but a true and living God that desires our hearts to belong to Him.

So thats where I'm at. 30 years old, raised around God stuff and just now getting how important it is to have a personal, ongoing, relationship with my saviour!! I neglect that, I'm basically claiming I can do this life on my own, and I step out of His grace.

Good jumping off place for this blog site. I would love comments and feedback!